this is The News

soldiers in faraway place

you don't know much about faraway place. it is run by a Bad man. we sent some Good men over there to kill him and they did. but the people don't like our Good men, are they Bad too? they should be grateful. scientists say they did not like the exploding men. others think the exploding men are the men of First Causes. no one can say for sure

person claims science is wrong

scientists say this scientific thing is good. other people say it is bad. they are not scientists but they speak loudly. the controversy continues

child says a thing

a child has said a thing. he has gained some renown among these people. other people think is is the parents of the child who made him say the thing. but why would they do that? if a parent said this thing it would be unimpressive.

government spends money

men in government have been roundly criticized for spending money. they say the money helps you. others say that the money should be spent but on other things. we say if you spend the money it would be better for you. others say that nobody should spend any money. they are wrong and you should buy consumer products and roads

movie review

we thought a movie was going to be a comedy but it wasn't very funny. instead it was serious. we don't go to the movie theater to think about serious things. but after thinking about them we felt smarter. this movie receives a rating based on an arbitrary number of objects

illegal aliens

some say that illegal aliens are coming here. we thought aliens were gray men or robots but these ones are just dusty. they come here to do work with dust and soil but we must also continue to do this work

22 Names For A White Russian Made With Eggnog

1. [j] Festive White Russian
2. [j] Russian Christmas (no)
3. [j] Eggnog Russian (put some effort into it)
4. [b] Glasnog
5. [j] Ivan Dragnog
6. [j] White Yolka (yolka is Russian for "Christmas tree")
7. [b] The People's Eggnog
8. [j] Vladimir Putin
9. [j] Eggmitri Nogvedev
10. [b] Colonel "Thunderbolt" Volgnog
11. [j] The Winter War
12. [b] Mutually Assured Refreshment
13. [j] Dr. Strangenog
14. [j] Aleggsandr Nogsky
15. [j] Dr. Eggnognik
16. [b] Dr. Eggmanog
17. [j] Vladimir Kramnog
18. [j] Garregg Kasparnog
19. [j] Eggsily Zaytsnog
20. [j] The VITAS
21. [j] Alexander Karelin
22. [k] Kristallnog

A Vision Statement for Electoral Reform

The practical application of voting theory is one of those areas where there are several good options, two or three great options, and one obviously terrible option. Guess which one the U.S. uses?

• Any system that does not use preferential voting is a piece of shit. 
• Any system designed by Nicolaus Tideman is awesome.
• If you think first past the post is a pretty good system then you are a huge piece of shit. Seriously, fuck you. Dumbass.